The Idea of France
by Sean Kilpatrick

I call 911 and tell them I have a headache.
My foot itches. My show isn't on.
I threw my wig in the chandelier
and need the fire department to retrieve it.
The operator sounds young and is offended
when I tell her that I am sexually aroused,
but she doesn't hang up. I continue:

I wish we were in a rowboat
and your calves overlapped my calves
and you were paddling and lecturing
me about the mechanics of a panzer tank.
You'd say: It was originally a bicycle
that became very angry at people's legs.
Then I would throw your umbrella in the water.
You would make a fist and hit me with plankton.

The idea of France calms us down.
You sing like a truckload of bellybuttons
parked behind a television set.
Pull them out and kiss each one
while I exercise for you
or I will groom you to death.

Also by Sean Kilpatrick in ActionYes #4:
Porcelain House